Last month, I sat with a senior manager—let’s call her Sarah—who looked exhausted. Not from the work itself, but from the web of people.

Her days were a constant negotiation:

• Supporting direct reports (each with their own needs and conflicts).
• Translating the CEO’s shifting priorities into something that made sense.
• Managing across functions—finance, operations, marketing—each with different rhythms, languages, and egos.

“I feel like I’m playing whack-a-mole,” she told me. “Every time I solve one problem, three more pop up.”

Here’s the truth: Sarah is smart, skilled, and hardworking. The problem wasn’t her. The problem was relational complexity.

What Is Relational Complexity?

Every leadership challenge has a hidden dimension: the number and diversity of relationships you’re holding at once.

• 1:1 conversations: Can you say what needs to be said?
• Team conversations: Can you balance conflict and alignment?
• System-wide conversations: Can you navigate competing agendas and power dynamics without burning out—or breaking trust?

As complexity scales, so do the skills required to lead effectively.
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​Why This Matters​
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Middle managers like Sarah sit at the multiplier point of culture. Research shows when they gain the skills to navigate relational complexity, trust, accountability, and innovation accelerate.
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Avoidance, on the other hand, compounds complexity. What gets left unsaid in a 1:1 leaks into the team. What the team avoids spills into the system. Silence costs more than honesty.
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​A Tool to Help You See the Terrain​
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That’s why I created the Relational Complexity Calculator (RCC). It helps you:

• Diagnose the true level of complexity in your challenge.
• Identify the leadership capacity you need.
• Grow your ability to handle bigger, messier, more meaningful conversations.

​Access the Relational Complexity Calculator​
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Use it before your next tough meeting. Map the terrain. Notice what skills it calls for. Remember: capacity can be built.
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​Closing Thought​
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Sarah didn’t need to work harder. She needed to see the level of complexity she was in—and shift her approach.
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That’s leadership in a nutshell: not doing more, but seeing more.
And the clearer you see the terrain, the more powerfully you can lead on it.
​
Moe
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P.S. Leadership isn’t about solving every problem. It’s about seeing the system you’re in—and choosing the right moves for the level of complexity you face.