Most of us walk around at work running on a quiet, dangerous assumption.

No news is good news.

We tell ourselves that if no one has said anything, we must be doing fine. The inbox is quiet. The boss didn't pull us aside. Nobody flinched in the meeting. So we keep our heads down and treat the absence of criticism as a kind of approval.

But silence is not feedback. Silence is just silence. And underneath it, most people are quietly starving.

The data on this is consistent and a little heartbreaking. People crave feedback. They want to know how they are doing, where they stand, whether the work matters, whether they matter. And they get a fraction of what they need. Usually it arrives late, and usually only when something has already gone wrong.

So we have built workplaces where the only reliable signal is the absence of bad news. Then we act surprised when people tell us they feel invisible. Of course they do. We made invisibility the default setting.

I see the same thing on nearly every team I work with. The leader believes they are giving plenty of feedback. The people believe they are getting almost none. Both are telling the truth. The leader counts the feedback they intended. The people count only the feedback they actually received, out loud, in words they can hold. The gap between those two numbers is where people start to disappear on you.

Here is the part that gets missed. Telling someone how they are doing is not management overhead. It is not a box you complete in Q4. It is one of the most connective things one human can do for another. It says, I see you. I am paying attention. You are not invisible here.

That is not a soft thing to hand someone. It is load-bearing.

And it does not have to be a production. It is not the annual review. It is the small, specific, out-loud sentence. That section you rewrote landed. I noticed you stayed late with the new person. The way you handled that angry client was steady, and it mattered. Specific beats glowing. People can feel the difference between flattery and attention.

So here is the assignment, and it is due today.

Go tell someone how they are doing. Out loud. Be specific. Use their name. Don't fold it into a compliment sandwich, and don't save it for a better moment. The better moment is now.

Then watch what it does. Watch their face. Watch the thing that loosens.

Silence is not kindness. It is just the cheapest thing to give. Go give the other thing.

-Moe

P.S. My humanity is showing.An email went out yesterday about my event (We Are Not Going to Shrink) for women in the back half of life thisThursday, June 4 with a bad time on the image: it is at 5 PM PT, not 4 PM. Apologies. Here are details!​